The Piper on Paper
UPDATE: The new Angry Piper's Book of the Week is up at Hill-TV. Rush on over and get some book learnin'.
I love roleplaying games. They're fun. My thoughts on gaming-one of my favorite hobbies- can be found here, and you should read them to rid yourself of any prejudices you may have towards gamers in general (Tel, I'm looking in your direction). While we are all geeks to some extent, they say you have reached the pinnacle of gaming geekdom if you create a character based on yourself. (Personally, I believe you have surpassed the pinnacle of geekdom and are shooting for the geek stars if you do any form of live-action roleplaying(LARP-ing), particularly with costumes.)
Anyway, consider the pinnacle reached. All you gamers out there (and all you NGs who just want a chuckle) here are the stats for....
THE ANGRY PIPER
Strength: 11
Dexterity: 11
Constitution: 14
Intelligence: 16
Wisdom: 12
Charisma: 5
For all you non-gamers, typical scores range from 3-18, with a 10 being average. As you can see, the AP is above average in almost every area, with the exception of Charisma. This is due to his general hatred of humanity, angry outlook, and the fact that he smells of bagpipe wax, which stinks to high heaven. The high Constitution may surprise some people who know the AP personally, as it is known that he suffers from many colds, and is, in fact, nursing one now; but I have taken into consideration the vast quantities of alcohol the AP can ingest without ill effect to arrive at this number. The comparitively lower Strength and Dexterity scores are due to the AP's inactivity and slothfulness (they used to be somewhat higher), and his Wisdom remains at 12, despite the fact he's 33 years old, because the Piper fails to learn from even his most obvious mistakes. The Angry Piper's highest Attribute is Intelligence, but it should be noted that his Intelligence score is halved for anything requiring math.
Skills follow. Higher is better. Some of these skills (the Angry Piper's skill at bagpiping, for example) may be somewhat of an overstatement, but that's what roleplaying is all about.
Alienate Close Friend/Relative: 14
Appraise (Comic Books): 16
Brood: 16
Craft: Writing: 15
Fume: 16
Heap Abuse/Vituperation: 14
Insult: 14
Intimidate: 12
Knowledge: Literature: 15
Performance: Bagpipes: 16
Performance: Saxophone: 15
Pretentious Snobbery: 15
Research: 16
Repair (Bagpipes): 10
Seclude Self: 18
Sulk: 15
Swear: 15
Unintentional Insult: 16
The Angry Piper Alienates Friends and Relatives by not returning phone calls, forgetting important occasions (such as birthdays) and discouraging drop-by visits, but it is important to note he can also do this through use of his Unintentional Insult and Seclude Self skills. (Positive social skills are not the Piper's forte-watch him eat sunflower seeds someday and you'll understand why.) Noticeably absent are any fighting skills, which may come as a shock to those who remember the Angry Piper's bloody past. He walks the path of peace now, but it has made him no less angry. If provoked(especially by ignorant use of cell phones), he could easily revert to the whirling pinwheel of violence he once was. Although he retains his saxophone knowledge, it would take a great deal to persuade him to pick up the horn again (flashing him a nice set of cans or a case of Guinness might do the trick; probably not, but you're encouraged to try either one). Notice the Piper's skill at Unintentionally Insulting someone is higher than his skill at Deliberate Insults; this is because he often is most clever when he isn't trying to be. Also, while Brooding and Sulking are similar, they are not the same; any aquaintance of the Angry Piper who has experienced both can surely confirm this. The Piper is most proud of his lowest skill, Bagpipe Repair, as anyone who has ever tried to fix a bagpipe knows a 10 is a pretty respectable skill in that arena (damn pipes).
Physical Description: The Angry Piper stands 6 feet, 1 inch tall, when he does not slouch (which is usually only in response to people who question his height). Polite people would call the Angry Piper's nose "aquiline", but most people, including the AP himself, are impolite; to them his nose is simply big. Despite this, he's a ruggedly handsome specimen of masculinity that can rarely leave his home for fear of attracting hordes of screaming girls, much like the Beatles' appearance on the Ed Sullivan show. When appearing in his official capacity he dresses in one of his kilts, but most of his days are spent in jeans and a sweatshirt or T shirt of some kind (likely black). Recently he has discovered he has a very deep voice. He has little patience with people in general, and often comunicates in the fewest words possible so as to end any conversation before it really begins, unless it happens to be about bagpiping or literature. Those wishing to converse with the Piper regarding other matters (why one would wish to do so is frankly baffling) are advised to ply him with liquor, specifically Guinness, or risk being ignored and/or rudely dismissed. Those wishing to be on the receiving end of his Heap Abuse, Swear, Insult and Pretentious Snobbery skills need only offer to buy him a Budweiser or bottle of Arbor Mist.
Well, there I am. Have fun killing me in your games. Perhaps in a year I'll update my character with all the experience points I'll earn over the next year.
Nah. That would be geeky.
I love roleplaying games. They're fun. My thoughts on gaming-one of my favorite hobbies- can be found here, and you should read them to rid yourself of any prejudices you may have towards gamers in general (Tel, I'm looking in your direction). While we are all geeks to some extent, they say you have reached the pinnacle of gaming geekdom if you create a character based on yourself. (Personally, I believe you have surpassed the pinnacle of geekdom and are shooting for the geek stars if you do any form of live-action roleplaying(LARP-ing), particularly with costumes.)
Anyway, consider the pinnacle reached. All you gamers out there (and all you NGs who just want a chuckle) here are the stats for....
THE ANGRY PIPER
Strength: 11
Dexterity: 11
Constitution: 14
Intelligence: 16
Wisdom: 12
Charisma: 5
For all you non-gamers, typical scores range from 3-18, with a 10 being average. As you can see, the AP is above average in almost every area, with the exception of Charisma. This is due to his general hatred of humanity, angry outlook, and the fact that he smells of bagpipe wax, which stinks to high heaven. The high Constitution may surprise some people who know the AP personally, as it is known that he suffers from many colds, and is, in fact, nursing one now; but I have taken into consideration the vast quantities of alcohol the AP can ingest without ill effect to arrive at this number. The comparitively lower Strength and Dexterity scores are due to the AP's inactivity and slothfulness (they used to be somewhat higher), and his Wisdom remains at 12, despite the fact he's 33 years old, because the Piper fails to learn from even his most obvious mistakes. The Angry Piper's highest Attribute is Intelligence, but it should be noted that his Intelligence score is halved for anything requiring math.
Skills follow. Higher is better. Some of these skills (the Angry Piper's skill at bagpiping, for example) may be somewhat of an overstatement, but that's what roleplaying is all about.
Alienate Close Friend/Relative: 14
Appraise (Comic Books): 16
Brood: 16
Craft: Writing: 15
Fume: 16
Heap Abuse/Vituperation: 14
Insult: 14
Intimidate: 12
Knowledge: Literature: 15
Performance: Bagpipes: 16
Performance: Saxophone: 15
Pretentious Snobbery: 15
Research: 16
Repair (Bagpipes): 10
Seclude Self: 18
Sulk: 15
Swear: 15
Unintentional Insult: 16
The Angry Piper Alienates Friends and Relatives by not returning phone calls, forgetting important occasions (such as birthdays) and discouraging drop-by visits, but it is important to note he can also do this through use of his Unintentional Insult and Seclude Self skills. (Positive social skills are not the Piper's forte-watch him eat sunflower seeds someday and you'll understand why.) Noticeably absent are any fighting skills, which may come as a shock to those who remember the Angry Piper's bloody past. He walks the path of peace now, but it has made him no less angry. If provoked(especially by ignorant use of cell phones), he could easily revert to the whirling pinwheel of violence he once was. Although he retains his saxophone knowledge, it would take a great deal to persuade him to pick up the horn again (flashing him a nice set of cans or a case of Guinness might do the trick; probably not, but you're encouraged to try either one). Notice the Piper's skill at Unintentionally Insulting someone is higher than his skill at Deliberate Insults; this is because he often is most clever when he isn't trying to be. Also, while Brooding and Sulking are similar, they are not the same; any aquaintance of the Angry Piper who has experienced both can surely confirm this. The Piper is most proud of his lowest skill, Bagpipe Repair, as anyone who has ever tried to fix a bagpipe knows a 10 is a pretty respectable skill in that arena (damn pipes).
Physical Description: The Angry Piper stands 6 feet, 1 inch tall, when he does not slouch (which is usually only in response to people who question his height). Polite people would call the Angry Piper's nose "aquiline", but most people, including the AP himself, are impolite; to them his nose is simply big. Despite this, he's a ruggedly handsome specimen of masculinity that can rarely leave his home for fear of attracting hordes of screaming girls, much like the Beatles' appearance on the Ed Sullivan show. When appearing in his official capacity he dresses in one of his kilts, but most of his days are spent in jeans and a sweatshirt or T shirt of some kind (likely black). Recently he has discovered he has a very deep voice. He has little patience with people in general, and often comunicates in the fewest words possible so as to end any conversation before it really begins, unless it happens to be about bagpiping or literature. Those wishing to converse with the Piper regarding other matters (why one would wish to do so is frankly baffling) are advised to ply him with liquor, specifically Guinness, or risk being ignored and/or rudely dismissed. Those wishing to be on the receiving end of his Heap Abuse, Swear, Insult and Pretentious Snobbery skills need only offer to buy him a Budweiser or bottle of Arbor Mist.
Well, there I am. Have fun killing me in your games. Perhaps in a year I'll update my character with all the experience points I'll earn over the next year.
Nah. That would be geeky.
posted by The Angry Piper at 10:43 AM
7 Comments:
You left out your class:
Puppeteer.
I've already run the AP through a few short scenarios. So far, he threw a drink on Gandalf (died), tried to swing/leap across the unfathomable deep (rope borake, died) and he wound up in jail for peeing on a statue of the Great God Tyr (got jailmeated and died of VD).
This is by far the worst character I've ever played in my own campaigns. Might make a great NPC for, like, an armour shop or apple cart.
In my opinion your Heap Abuse/Vituperation stat should be much higher. I am also glad you walk the path of peace now but a part of me misses you as the whirling pinwheel of violence.
Dude, Bill Gates would totally P0WND J00!
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29743
That's fucking priceless. I laughed my ass off. I especially love the character sheet with the sketch.
They play The Onion stuff on a local radio station here.
They have some good stuff
Hey Piper I miss the soft sounds of your pipes blowing in my ear. Hope all is well.
~Eve~
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