One more reason why I hate people.
I woke up at 4:30 am yesterday so I could do something I've never done before. I went to a day-after-Thanksgiving sale. At Wal-Mart. I don't even have much Christmas shopping to do this year, and what I plan on doing is mostly done. I went for me.
Sometimes-not often, but sometimes-I'm a fucking idiot.
Last week I watched a documentary all about Wal-Mart called Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Prices. Although it was pretty one-sided, it definitely got its many points across about how bad Wal-Mart is for its employees, the environment, and the US economy. I went anyway, because the appeal of getting a laptop for $350.00 was too hard to resist for a guy who has been posting from "Safe Mode" for the past 2 months. Don't ask.
I arrived at 5am, just in time for the doors to open. I was expecting a crowd, I suppose, but nothing prepared me for what I saw when I actually arrived at the parking lot. The line to get inside (where it was MUCH warmer) stretched about 100 yards from the front door. People were already pushing and shoving, yelling things like "I was in front of you, don't go cutting" and "I've been here for 2 hours and you weren't in front of me." Wal-Mart employees were walking the length of the line (outside, in the cold) trying to calm people and admonishing them not to take the overturned carriages as there were carriages aplenty inside. Overturned carriages, you ask? Yes. These they were using to form a boundary, alongside which we could form a line, otherwise it would quickly degenerate into a howling mob. When they finally started letting people in there was so much elbowing, pushing, screaming and swearing you would have thought the mouth of Hell had yawned open behind us.
I put my hands in my coat pockets, put on my "don't fuck with me" face (which isn't much different from my normal visage), and concentrated on getting inside, getting my laptop, and leaving as soon as humanly possible.
It took me 15 minutes to get from the front door to the electronics department, located in the rear, because of the crowds. When I got there I was told the laptop I was looking for was in the front of the store, so back I went.(Of course it was. Why would it be with the rest of the fucking computers?) It only took me 10 more minutes to get back, because I took a shortcut through the womens' section. When I got there, the laptops were sold out.
Those who know me know I don't enjoy crowds even when they're well-behaved, which this one certainly was not. After waiting outside in the cold with these fucking cannibals, fighting my way to the back of the store where the item I wanted SHOULD have been, then having to go back in search of it only to find it sold out roughly 20 minutes after the doors opened, I was quite irritated. But not nearly as irritated as I was when a woman and her two children (both younger than 10) elbowed their way past me, each one of them carrying a laptop.
I made my way to the front of the store with the one item I did manage to get my hands on: a toothbrush. I needed a new one and figured I'd pick one up while I was there. Wal-Mart door security made certain to check my receipt to ensure I paid for it.
Yes, that's correct. I woke up at 4:30 the day after Thanksgiving to go to Wal-Mart and all I returned home with was a fucking toothbrush.
Today was much more laid back. You see, I awoke nursing a hangover obtained as a souvenir of my revels last night at the palatial estate of Dr. Robert J. Murk. He, Malach and I recorded a podcast for The Murk and Malach Radio Show. Now you can hear the voice of the Piper, sissies! Tom Cruise stopped by, too. I remember being quite mellow as the wine cellar at Chez Murk was well-stocked prior to my arrival, so I was not the usual snarling ball of hatred and rage you all know and love. Truthfully, I remember doing the show (and I remember that Mrs. Murk makes a mean apple pie) but I don't recall much of what I said. I suppose I'll be one of the first to download the podcast when it becomes available at Hill-TV, just to see if I said anything brilliant (more likely the opposite).
Also this morning I watched The Warriors, one of the coolest cult films ever. Now I want to start my own gang. Caaaaaaaaaan Yooooooou Dig IT??????????
If you haven't joined Minimum Security yet, you should. It's free, after all, and it's where my official forum for my Hill-TV Book of the Week column is located. Get over there and join, snapperhead!
And oh yeah...Malach tried to kiss me last night, but I told him that's not the way I roll.
Sometimes-not often, but sometimes-I'm a fucking idiot.
Last week I watched a documentary all about Wal-Mart called Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Prices. Although it was pretty one-sided, it definitely got its many points across about how bad Wal-Mart is for its employees, the environment, and the US economy. I went anyway, because the appeal of getting a laptop for $350.00 was too hard to resist for a guy who has been posting from "Safe Mode" for the past 2 months. Don't ask.
I arrived at 5am, just in time for the doors to open. I was expecting a crowd, I suppose, but nothing prepared me for what I saw when I actually arrived at the parking lot. The line to get inside (where it was MUCH warmer) stretched about 100 yards from the front door. People were already pushing and shoving, yelling things like "I was in front of you, don't go cutting" and "I've been here for 2 hours and you weren't in front of me." Wal-Mart employees were walking the length of the line (outside, in the cold) trying to calm people and admonishing them not to take the overturned carriages as there were carriages aplenty inside. Overturned carriages, you ask? Yes. These they were using to form a boundary, alongside which we could form a line, otherwise it would quickly degenerate into a howling mob. When they finally started letting people in there was so much elbowing, pushing, screaming and swearing you would have thought the mouth of Hell had yawned open behind us.
I put my hands in my coat pockets, put on my "don't fuck with me" face (which isn't much different from my normal visage), and concentrated on getting inside, getting my laptop, and leaving as soon as humanly possible.
It took me 15 minutes to get from the front door to the electronics department, located in the rear, because of the crowds. When I got there I was told the laptop I was looking for was in the front of the store, so back I went.(Of course it was. Why would it be with the rest of the fucking computers?) It only took me 10 more minutes to get back, because I took a shortcut through the womens' section. When I got there, the laptops were sold out.
Those who know me know I don't enjoy crowds even when they're well-behaved, which this one certainly was not. After waiting outside in the cold with these fucking cannibals, fighting my way to the back of the store where the item I wanted SHOULD have been, then having to go back in search of it only to find it sold out roughly 20 minutes after the doors opened, I was quite irritated. But not nearly as irritated as I was when a woman and her two children (both younger than 10) elbowed their way past me, each one of them carrying a laptop.
I made my way to the front of the store with the one item I did manage to get my hands on: a toothbrush. I needed a new one and figured I'd pick one up while I was there. Wal-Mart door security made certain to check my receipt to ensure I paid for it.
Yes, that's correct. I woke up at 4:30 the day after Thanksgiving to go to Wal-Mart and all I returned home with was a fucking toothbrush.
Today was much more laid back. You see, I awoke nursing a hangover obtained as a souvenir of my revels last night at the palatial estate of Dr. Robert J. Murk. He, Malach and I recorded a podcast for The Murk and Malach Radio Show. Now you can hear the voice of the Piper, sissies! Tom Cruise stopped by, too. I remember being quite mellow as the wine cellar at Chez Murk was well-stocked prior to my arrival, so I was not the usual snarling ball of hatred and rage you all know and love. Truthfully, I remember doing the show (and I remember that Mrs. Murk makes a mean apple pie) but I don't recall much of what I said. I suppose I'll be one of the first to download the podcast when it becomes available at Hill-TV, just to see if I said anything brilliant (more likely the opposite).
Also this morning I watched The Warriors, one of the coolest cult films ever. Now I want to start my own gang. Caaaaaaaaaan Yooooooou Dig IT??????????
If you haven't joined Minimum Security yet, you should. It's free, after all, and it's where my official forum for my Hill-TV Book of the Week column is located. Get over there and join, snapperhead!
And oh yeah...Malach tried to kiss me last night, but I told him that's not the way I roll.
posted by The Angry Piper at 6:13 PM
10 Comments:
Dr. Robert J. Murk's House
AWESOME!
Piper,
Don't you have any old contacts left at Radio Shack that could hook you up with a smokin' deal on a great computer? You know, like a Tandy or something.
AV
Well, that’s what you get for going to Wal*Mart despite knowing how evil they are. The retail gods punished you, you see.
You probably wouldn’t want one of those $350 laptops anyway, I hear they are made of horsehair plaster.
Hey Piper, did you get a raincheck?
Yes, you roll in the 5.0 with the ragtop down so your hair can blow!
You and what army
Wow. Two blogposts and two proposals of marriage from two West coast chicks. Not too shabby, considering neither one of my suitors knows what I look like (and one's married already).
Join Minimum Security and I'll consider becoming a latter-day saint so I can disappoint you both equally.
Sexy Blog, Pipes.
Keep up the sexy suave ways! You're sexy like Barry Dead.
Man, I have seen enough of the boys ass.
Go to Dell.com! They have the one that's $399. That is, until you add all the bells and whistles. And then, well, at least it's still under $1k.
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