Who Am I?

Who am I?

I have secret prisons throughout the world in which I torture terrorists. Or people who may be terrorists. Or people who may know terrorists, or look like terrorists. Or people I just don't like. I have hundreds of people detained at a federal prison who have yet to be charged with anything. I have one of my own citizens, by all appearances a scumbag, who is finally being charged with a crime after being held for 3 years. (I thought I also have a Constitution that forbids exactly that kind of thing, but I guess not.) I have an administration who labels everyone who disagrees with their policies or their war as "unpatriotic" or "unsupportive" of the troops. I have a President who believes in Divine Rule, as God clearly wanted him for the job (despite the fact that he was elected-twice-by an extremely narrow margin and more than a good possibility of shenanigans). I have a Vice-President who, if not currently the most evil man in the world, is right up there with whoever is. I have a scientific community, once the greatest in the world, now opting to conduct their research outside my borders so as to avoid religion and politics dictating and influencing their work. I have a so-called moral majority leader advocating assassination of Venezuela's president and informing a town in Pennsylvania that God is going to visit the ten plagues upon them for rejecting intelligent design as school curriculum.

I have the worst relationship with the rest of the world since my founding.

I advocate human rights, yet I do nothing to stop genocide in Darfur. I mouth objections to China about Taiwanese independence and berate their prison system, yet I won't allow the United Nations to see the inside of my military prisons. I support the UN as long as I run the show; when they complain about me, they can go to hell. I endorse conservationism, but I'm the only nation who refuses to sign the Kyoto accords and I offer tax breaks to citizens who buy SUV's.

I am the most technologically, economically, militarily, socially and scientifically advanced nation in the world, and I could not respond effectively to one (very large) natural disaster. I refused the offer of medical help, although it was sorely needed, from one of my neighbors whom I do not like. Months later, many of those affected by this disaster still have no permanent place to live, and I have decided to stop paying for their relief. I have also decided to cut my social service programs by billions, ensuring that many more of my poorest citizens will go hungry (even though I produce enough food within my own borders to feed my people), while simultaneously allowing my richest citizens to keep more of their money.

I am America. And I need new leadership. Someone to fix what's broke. Someone who gives a good shit about MY welfare, because the current guys in charge don't seem concerned about things like civil liberties, foreign relations, social welfare, scientific advancement, environmentalism, and border security.

Don't tell them I said that, though. Disagreeing with them only gets you a starring role in a Kafka novel.


In other news, The Muppet Show Season One is out on DVD. This makes me happy. The next installment of The Angry Piper's Book of the Week is up at Hill TV. Hopefully that makes you happy.

The new Minimum Security Forums are up and running, so head on over and join. I have my own little section over there, where I will be posting update information for both this blog and my Book of the Week column at the Hill. It's also a forum, so feel free to chime in and let me know what you think about the column; like whether you agree or disagree with my assessment of a book, your own book recommendations, or even if you just want to tell me that being a well-read, pompous ass doesn't make me the final word on things literary. Just be nice and express yourself intelligently (i.e. have a point and get to it).

Hope to see you all over there (and that includes you folks from parts west).

Cheers.