Announcement

The new Angry Piper's Book of the Week is now up, but you knew that already if you subscribed to my RSS feed. Sorry for the lateness, but real life got in the way. Besides, it's not like I'm getting paid. Yet.

I now have my own theme song, thanks to some devoted fans who left Dr.Murk a wake-up call; namely that I rule and he doesn't. Go to his blog, check it out and get the anthem. If you listened to the St. Patrick's Day Podcast, you heard a sampling of my melodious singing voice as I paid tribute to Sir William Wallace. You'll note a musical similarity between my anthem and his. If you haven't listened to the podcast, shame, shame on you.

Check out the WOW; we're up to 19 contributors and counting. Comment on what's there or become a contributor yourself. I'll be posting a follow-up to my post on my rampant alcoholism; it seems many concerned folks took me a little too seriously.

Nice to have friends, though.

The WOW!

The WOW is open. What is it? Well, you could be pro-active and follow the link and see. But if you want the short version: the WOW is a blog, with lots of contributors--17 and counting as of this post. I just posted there mere moments ago. Check it out-it's all about my descent into alcoholism. Cheery stuff.

What's it about? You mean you still haven't followed that link? Fine, here's another. The WOW is so cool it deserves two links. It's about anything. Anything you want to post, barring hardcore porn. (Incidentally, that wasn't my idea; I'm all for porn. But I guess it's a good thing since my 12 year old goddaughter sometimes reads this blog. Thank God she's smart enough to realize that The Angry Piper and her godfather aren't necessarily the same person.)

Why should you at least check out the WOW? Because if you're lazy, it's for you. You get Malach, Dr. Murk, Hobbs von Wackamole, The Angry Veteran, Spacefarmer, Dr. Mantodea, and ME all in one place! Plus many other contributors! Got somethin' to say? YOU can be a contributor too--it's easy. Or you could just reply to whatever's on there now or shows up in the future.

Why are we all hanging out together so much? That's to be announced-but let's just say I'm giddy with anticipation. Expect a big announcement soon. Meanwhile, check out the WOW!

Now The Angry Piper is a member of three--THREE sites! Ah-ah-ah!!!!!

Cracking the Code

Those of you who have read the Preface to my Book of the Week column (which should be all of you) are familiar with one of my basic rules: I do not review books I do not like, as the purpose of my column is to recommend and discuss books I think have value rather than belittle books I think have none.

This week I break this rule in a giant-sized article at Hill-TV.

You may have heard of the book up for review this week: it's called The Da Vinci Code. I expect my review to spark much comment and discussion and for that reason have included my email and links to the forum. Make no mistake: I think this book is a colossal bucket of suck.

Why Hill-TV? Because I owe them an article, and because they're cool. And because Dr. Murk is much easier to work for than The Generalissimo ever was, so all y'all who want to contribute should go right ahead. Thanks to chAng and Ben Byrd and anyone else I missed who has contributed lately.

Next week The Angry Piper's Book of the Week returns to its regular format with one of my favorite books of all time. Meanwhile, check this out (warning: nudity). That Dr. Murk is one hell of a ladies' man. I'm thinking about asking Beth, Dog's wife, to do the same for Angrypiper.com; then my ad could be seen from orbit.

Not surprisingly, I'm still in need of friends. Despite the fact that I hate Myspace, I find it irksome that Malach has way more friends than me. Between the two of us, I think we all know who's the Fonz and who's Ralph Malph. Vote Fonzie. (Fonzie is me.)

I'm currently reading Demonology, by Rick Moody. Moody is a writer whose skill with language I truly covet. Eve: you're gonna want to read this one, too.

Cartoon Network's Justice League Season One came out on DVD, and I just got paid. At this point, what I do next should surprise no one.

PS: The inspiration for the title of this post has nothing to do with Da Vinci and everything to do with The Angry Veteran, who cracks codes for fun. We assume he learned in the military, but everything he did there was top secret and he never talks about it. Some say he never left...

Gotta go. Some guys in suits and dark glasses are knocking on my door.

Pssst.....

See that new thingie on the right, underneath that handsome profile picture of yours truly? That's my new RSS feed. Thanks to Malach for the help in getting it up and running the way I want it. Here's the deal...click on it, subscribe to my feed, and you'll be made aware of every update on this blog and on Angrypiper.com. Then you can visit either one your leisure.

Now that I have a RSS feed, coming to my sites randomly in hopes of an update is for Melvins. It's kinda pointless with the feed and all, but if you still do it that way it'll drive up my webtraffic, so whatever; it's win-win for me.

There will be a special edition of The Angry Piper's Book of the Week this Friday. Stay tuned for details (or subscribe to my RSS feed).

I'm addicted to Deadliest Catch on the Discovery Channel. The soundtrack features a lot of uilleann pipe music. In the cold winter months when he's not planting trees, my brother is a commercial fisherman. He's told me stories of nightmare weather conditions and waves that dwarf the boat, not to mention some of the nasty things he drags out of the nets-things that would make a billygoat puke. But nothing he's ever told me compares to one episode of Deadliest Catch. I worry about my brother when he's out fishing, but I thank Christ he's not crabbing on the Bering Sea. I'm fascinated by this show; any time I think my job sucks I think about what these guys do for a living. Anyone who thinks Alaskan King Crab fishermen are overpaid should watch one episode of Deadliest Catch.

Started a new PS2 game-The Bard's Tale. So far I'm loving it; I'm only twenty minutes into the game and I'm already hearing bagpipe music. I have a feeling I'm gonna like this game.

Personal message to Auntie Sassy: Sass, I don't know if you even read this blog anymore, but I just figured I'd let you know that your boyfriend Nathan Fillion is in Slither. I don't know if he's worth watching a movie about space slugs; it looks kinda gross. But I just figured I'd tell you (I'm sure you knew already).

And re: your comment on my Myspace page: Don't hate me 'cuz I'm beautiful.

Piper Newsflash

Hello all. Some newsy bits for you:

Item: First off, Malach still hasn't helped me set up that damn RSS feed. He tells me he will, tells me to call him, and then when I do he doesn't pick up the phone. For toying with my emotions in such a cruel manner, I implore all of you who read this to go to his blog and unleash a stream of vituperation and abuse upon him. Not that it will work, but it will make me feel better.

Item: Those of you who listened to the St. Patrick's Day Podcast should know this: it seems I will soon get my longtime wish; namely to punt Dr. Murk squarely in the applebag. While this will no doubt be unpleasant for the good doc (you see the boots I wear?), most of you appear to want this, since we got few responses despite the staggering number of downloads of said podcast. Those of you who have no idea what this means should go and download the podcast maintenant!

Item: It seems the asshats over at the Wikipedia Liberation Organization have done an article on yours truly. I'm flattered. It's all true, too...except it's angrypiper.com, not The Angry Piper.com. Douche-nozzles. (I've been waiting to use that. Thanks, Tel) Think you can do better? Post your own article.

Item: Thanks to all who have applied to be my friend so far...I turn down no one (although most of you were already my friends). Nevertheless, you meet some interesting folks on Myspace...check out this guy. A bit theatrical (look who's talking), but he's playing a kind of bagpipe I've only ever seen before in pictures. Wulf, dude- if you by any chance read this blog, drop me a message and explain that instrument. It looks to me like either a droneless bagpipe (a chorus), or one with a bass drone only. I'm really digging the sound, too; eerily haunting and quite good. Too bad you're out West because I'd love to see you guys play.

Item: Tomorrow is Friday, and so you should all make plans to stop by The Angry Piper's Book of the Week for the update. Unless, of course, you're an asshole like this guy. While you're there, checkout any weeks you may have missed. This week: Pigs in Heaven by Barbara Kingsolver, not to be confused with Pigs in Space, the Muppet soap opera featuring Link Hogthrob, Dr. Julius Strangepork and Miss Piggy. Two very different things.

Item: I've been playing Fantastic Four on Playstation 2. I bought it because I'm a huge fan of the FF, but I have to say that much like the movie, the game is far from Fantastic. In fact, it's so disappointing it could (and should) be called the Mediocre Four. I let Dr. Murk borrow Silent Hill 2 and Fatal Frame (for my thoughts on those go here) it's my hope he shits his pants in terror, and that Mrs. Doctor Murk rubs his nose in it like an errant dog. That would rule.

Item: So how about this whole Gospel of Judas thing?

Usually, I leave all the religious discourse to The Symbol, but this is just too weird: about a year ago I read a book entitled The Gospel of Judas, by Simon Mawer. This fictional work basically dealt with the discovery of a manuscript pre-dating the Gospels, allegedly written by Judas himself, that refutes the divinity of Christ. It falls into the hands of a Catholic priest who has to decide whether to release it, thereby undermining centuries of Catholic doctrine, or whether to keep it secret for the good of a Church he's not certain he believes in any longer. The book was ok- as in I didn't have a strong opinion about it one way or the other-but it coulda been better considering its premise. I passed it on to Dr. Murk about a month ago, because he likes that kinda thing. But now all of a sudden there's a real Gospel of Judas that's supposedly surfaced...and while it doesn't call the divinity of Christ into question, it does paint Judas in a somewhat better light. You see, according to this text, it appears Judas betrayed Christ at Jesus's request, which means that by doing so, he was fulfilling the wishes of Jesus and not throwing him to the wolves. If it's authentic, it certainly calls into question the "suicide" of Judas afterwards, as outlined in two of the four Gospels (don't ask me which ones; I'm so lapsed I don't even care), as well as...well, centuries of Catholic doctrine. Maybe we should wait and see what The Pope has to say about it.

Item: United 93. Too fucking soon. Way too fucking soon.

I'm off to work on the website (and drink beer). TTFN.

Will You Be My Friend?

So, you want to be friends with The Angry Piper? Good luck. To be honest, the Piper is an antisocial creature, and he'd probably rather rub shit in his hair than hang out with the likes of you. He's too angry, too mean-and hey, let's face it-too cool to be your friend. Unless you happen to be a Norwegian chick living in San Francisco, or Dog the Bounty Hunter's wife, or Paddy Keenan, Mickey Spillane, or Dr. Murk. Then you might have a chance.

Besides, even though you think you want to be my friend, you wouldn't want to hang out with me in person. I smell like bagipe wax and spilled beer. And that's AFTER my shower.

But dont fret, Gilligan. You can still call yourself my friend, through the magic of Myspace. My therapist, Dr. Murk, thought it would be constructive for me to form lots more insipid and superficial relationships with no real time committment or emotional investiture, so I signed up.

I can't promise to be a good friend. Don't look to me to be the shoulder to cry on or the guy who remembers birthdays, because it won't happen. At best-and I mean absolute best-I can be an indifferent friend. In other words, one who will add you to my friend list if you request it, and who will expose you to good music by occasionally updating his Myspace profile (in fact, go there now and see what's playing); but who ultimately doesn't give a flaming shit about you (much like everyone else on Myspace).

In other news, angrypiper.com is being updated in small ways daily. Right now I'm working on my RSS Feed, so that you can subscribe to it and get notifications of updates delivered right to your waiting desktop. Having problems with the feed, though; I need Malach to help me out (slapping forehead).

Of course, there was a new Angry Piper's Book of the Week posted on Friday, so swing on by if you haven't yet, and feel free to comment on it at the Forums.

I live for your approval. Be my friend.

Announcements and Thanks

OK, so Angrypiper.com has officially been up for less than a week, and it's time to pay some debts.

First, thanks to my therapist, Dr. Robert J. Murk, and my hetero-lifemate, Malach, for all the help with the technical shit. Thanks especially to Malach for the graphics and for making the wicked cool Angry Piper banner that graces my site. Murk also wrote a fine sendoff for yours truly on his blog. Visit it.

Thanks to Spacefarmer, who tirelessly scours the Internet daily for stuff like Dancin' Van Damme, and then conveniently posts it on his blog.

I had dinner (and drinks) last night with Dr. Mantodea. I had a goat cheese and artichoke pizza. He ate some live locusts. We pretty much had the place to ourselves in short order, as you might imagine. During the meal, he informed me it's Man-TOE-dea, not Manto-DAY-uh, which is how I pronounced it in the St. Patrick's Day podcast. I hate when I sound like an uneducated jackass. Guess I need to brush up on my French.

My site's been up for less than a week, and already it's attracted a great deal of interest. More people read this blog than I would ever have guessed. I'm flattered and amazed by this, but not as surprised as I was when I saw the stats on the Book of the Week; who knew there were so many readers out there, and that they actually give a shit about MY opinion?

A LOT of people have visited Angrypiper.com already; more people than I can personally account for by far. I know the rest of you are out there, and it would be swell if you would join the forums. We hope to get some good topics going. Drop by and browse. Join if you've got something to say and want to be heard.

So what can you expect from the website? Well, for one thing, a return to the Angry Piper of old (i.e. the anger will return) in a section entitled "Angry Rants". It's also the new home of The Angry Piper's Book of the Week (formerly at Hill-TV, and still accessible from there). I've been holding to my weekly schedule for almost two months now, so yay me. Updates will usually be on Fridays. There will be articles on bagpiping, podcasts, and a heap of links to great music and cool shit all over the web. Keep in mind it's under construction;not everything's there yet, but it will be soon enough. There's even a way to contact me directly, something I didn't think I'd ever consent to, until I realized chicks might want to send me naked pictures. (Yeah. This is me, holding my breath.)

I will still be involved with Hill-TV (especially now, since I've killed the Generalissimo under contract from Dr. Murk, and I don't have to keep looking over my shoulder). Look there for something from me soon.

This blog will continue to be hosted by Blogger for the time being, but soon I will be moving the whole kit 'n caboodle over to Angrypiper.com. You'll have plenty of advance notice, so quitcher bitchin' before you start.

There's also been some interest from an unexpected source. I can't say much about it now, but some of you know who I'm talking about. Let's all keep our fingers crossed; it could be exciting news indeed.

Man-TOE-dea. Got it.