The Monster Under the Bed
I'm 32 years old. It's been a long time since I believed that evil Grimace from McDonald's lived in my closet and wished me ill. I don't scare easily anymore. In fact, pretty much the only thing that makes me crap my kilt in terror is the thought of being devoured by a shark, which is why I never swim in the ocean. Of course, like all celebrities, I also live in constant fear of being "punk'd" by Ashton Kutcher.
Which brings me to my chosen topic for this post:Horror. Now, I know I could have waited for a more appropriate time of the year, perhaps closer to Halloween, but the simple truth is that I don't have anything else to write about and I'm catching shite from my adoring fans (all 3 of you). I don't want to write about the real-life horror of New Orleans, because I can't possibly convey my rage and heartbreak at that mammoth clusterfuck in a coherent manner. Suffice it to say our emergency response (or lack thereof) was, well, two words associated with horror come to mind:horrifying and horrible.
But enough of that. (I really could rant all day about it, but I won't.)
While watching a "horror" movie last night, I realized just how long it has been since I have seen a film that genuinely scared me. Last night's feature was "Boogeyman", a movie that looked, at least from the outside, to have none of the qualities of those lamebrain "I know what you did in your pants" movies. One of the quotes on the cover billed it as "The scariest movie EVER." Now, I am justly skeptical of movie reviewer quotes ever since I (Heart) Huckabees was quoted as being "laugh out loud funny." It was anything but; and yes, for all the existential philosophy-major douchebags who are feeling pretentious, I DID get the point, or rather the lack thereof, of the film. It still wasn't funny. At all. But I digress.
Boogeyman was not only far from "the scariest movie ever", it wasn't scary, period. It also had plot holes big enough for an all-hippo dance company to perform Swan Lake in. Sadly, this seems to be the general trend in horror films. Crap storyline(an often unexplained series of events with no resolution at the end), often bad acting (speaks for itself) and idiotic characters (don't go in THERE, asshole!). Boogeyman fits the mold. For one thing, the storyline is never fully explained. The acting is actually adequate, but don't applaud, as it's not like the script expected all that much from the actors. The characters are typically idiotic. For example: The Boogeyman comes out when it's dark. The characters know this. You would think someone would turn on some freakin' lights, right? I mean, they might predictably go out, but at least MAKE THE EFFORT IN THE FIRST PLACE. If I thought a monster was hiding in my dark house (or even if my house just happened to be dark in general, sans monsters), the first thing I'd do is turn on the lights. Is common sense really too much to expect from movie characters?
So, thinking back to the last movie that freaked me out...I'd have to say it was The Ring. Now, I know this movie has been hyped to death, but despite its wonky premise, it had good acting and enough plot twists to keep you guessing. In addition, it had the novelty of having most of its disturbing scenes take place during the day, in well-lit rooms or in broad daylight. Often the viewer felt safe until...well, you know.
Before that, the last movie that scared me was The Blair Witch Project, and that relied entirely on the strength of its atmosphere. I really felt like I was in the woods. One of my manly friends saw that movie and was walking his dog later that night. She slipped the leash and ran into the woods. He went home, trusting the dog would find her way back on her own. THAT'S atmosphere. (It was also something we all gave him shit for, but I doubt any one of us would have gone after that dog either.)
Unless you've been living under a rock, you know The Ring was a remake of a Japanese movie. As was The Grudge (which totally sucked; meowing kids aren't scary). Asian horror is subtle. It's also scary as hell. I have praised the virtues of my comic shop (The Annex, in Newport, RI) previously in this blog. They have a wide selection of Asian Horror movies, and most of them are scary, with images that stay with you forever. I'm not talking about going for the gross-out. Although that does happen occasionally in Asian films (like The Audition) it's nowhere near as prevalent as in American films (like Saw). The Ring (either version) wasn't particularly gory, but to me it sure was scary.
Horror isn't just about movies. Since Resident Evil first came out for the Playstation back in 1997, horror games have taken off. The Resident Evil series was a blast to play, especially RE2. I haven't played RE4 yet; it's only out for GameCube, and The Angry Piper is a PS2 guy all the way. The creepiest game series I've ever played is Konami's Silent Hill series, which is so sick and twisted it gets into your dreams (in my case-literally). Wanna blow some zombies' heads off with a shotgun? Any Resident Evil game is for you. Wanna battle skinless, faceless children wielding knives who plunge them into your legs and hang on, and you with only a wooden plank to fend them off? Yeah. That's Silent Hill.
Many games nowadays offer replay value by unlocking new stuff once you've completed the game once, such as new outfits for your characters, new endings, or new weapons you can use the next time through. The Silent Hill games are no exception. But although I'll play each one once, there isn't a Silent Hill game I'd WANT to play through again. Not because they're bad. They're just way too disturbing.
For sheer eerieness, Tecmo's Fatal Frame series is number one. There are two of these games so far, with the third installment to follow soon. Both games have similar storylines and involve you (you being, in all 3 cases, a little Japanese girl in a sailor suit who can't run for beans) battling ghosts, armed only with a "Spirit Camera"; no shotguns or even wooden planks here. Having to photograph the ghosts before they get you adds the scary effect of watching them come after you as you try to focus the viewfinder. The atmosphere in these games is exceptionally spooky.
Which leaves, of course, Horror fiction. But that's a post all by itself.
Anyone see any good horror movies lately?
Which brings me to my chosen topic for this post:Horror. Now, I know I could have waited for a more appropriate time of the year, perhaps closer to Halloween, but the simple truth is that I don't have anything else to write about and I'm catching shite from my adoring fans (all 3 of you). I don't want to write about the real-life horror of New Orleans, because I can't possibly convey my rage and heartbreak at that mammoth clusterfuck in a coherent manner. Suffice it to say our emergency response (or lack thereof) was, well, two words associated with horror come to mind:horrifying and horrible.
But enough of that. (I really could rant all day about it, but I won't.)
While watching a "horror" movie last night, I realized just how long it has been since I have seen a film that genuinely scared me. Last night's feature was "Boogeyman", a movie that looked, at least from the outside, to have none of the qualities of those lamebrain "I know what you did in your pants" movies. One of the quotes on the cover billed it as "The scariest movie EVER." Now, I am justly skeptical of movie reviewer quotes ever since I (Heart) Huckabees was quoted as being "laugh out loud funny." It was anything but; and yes, for all the existential philosophy-major douchebags who are feeling pretentious, I DID get the point, or rather the lack thereof, of the film. It still wasn't funny. At all. But I digress.
Boogeyman was not only far from "the scariest movie ever", it wasn't scary, period. It also had plot holes big enough for an all-hippo dance company to perform Swan Lake in. Sadly, this seems to be the general trend in horror films. Crap storyline(an often unexplained series of events with no resolution at the end), often bad acting (speaks for itself) and idiotic characters (don't go in THERE, asshole!). Boogeyman fits the mold. For one thing, the storyline is never fully explained. The acting is actually adequate, but don't applaud, as it's not like the script expected all that much from the actors. The characters are typically idiotic. For example: The Boogeyman comes out when it's dark. The characters know this. You would think someone would turn on some freakin' lights, right? I mean, they might predictably go out, but at least MAKE THE EFFORT IN THE FIRST PLACE. If I thought a monster was hiding in my dark house (or even if my house just happened to be dark in general, sans monsters), the first thing I'd do is turn on the lights. Is common sense really too much to expect from movie characters?
So, thinking back to the last movie that freaked me out...I'd have to say it was The Ring. Now, I know this movie has been hyped to death, but despite its wonky premise, it had good acting and enough plot twists to keep you guessing. In addition, it had the novelty of having most of its disturbing scenes take place during the day, in well-lit rooms or in broad daylight. Often the viewer felt safe until...well, you know.
Before that, the last movie that scared me was The Blair Witch Project, and that relied entirely on the strength of its atmosphere. I really felt like I was in the woods. One of my manly friends saw that movie and was walking his dog later that night. She slipped the leash and ran into the woods. He went home, trusting the dog would find her way back on her own. THAT'S atmosphere. (It was also something we all gave him shit for, but I doubt any one of us would have gone after that dog either.)
Unless you've been living under a rock, you know The Ring was a remake of a Japanese movie. As was The Grudge (which totally sucked; meowing kids aren't scary). Asian horror is subtle. It's also scary as hell. I have praised the virtues of my comic shop (The Annex, in Newport, RI) previously in this blog. They have a wide selection of Asian Horror movies, and most of them are scary, with images that stay with you forever. I'm not talking about going for the gross-out. Although that does happen occasionally in Asian films (like The Audition) it's nowhere near as prevalent as in American films (like Saw). The Ring (either version) wasn't particularly gory, but to me it sure was scary.
Horror isn't just about movies. Since Resident Evil first came out for the Playstation back in 1997, horror games have taken off. The Resident Evil series was a blast to play, especially RE2. I haven't played RE4 yet; it's only out for GameCube, and The Angry Piper is a PS2 guy all the way. The creepiest game series I've ever played is Konami's Silent Hill series, which is so sick and twisted it gets into your dreams (in my case-literally). Wanna blow some zombies' heads off with a shotgun? Any Resident Evil game is for you. Wanna battle skinless, faceless children wielding knives who plunge them into your legs and hang on, and you with only a wooden plank to fend them off? Yeah. That's Silent Hill.
Many games nowadays offer replay value by unlocking new stuff once you've completed the game once, such as new outfits for your characters, new endings, or new weapons you can use the next time through. The Silent Hill games are no exception. But although I'll play each one once, there isn't a Silent Hill game I'd WANT to play through again. Not because they're bad. They're just way too disturbing.
For sheer eerieness, Tecmo's Fatal Frame series is number one. There are two of these games so far, with the third installment to follow soon. Both games have similar storylines and involve you (you being, in all 3 cases, a little Japanese girl in a sailor suit who can't run for beans) battling ghosts, armed only with a "Spirit Camera"; no shotguns or even wooden planks here. Having to photograph the ghosts before they get you adds the scary effect of watching them come after you as you try to focus the viewfinder. The atmosphere in these games is exceptionally spooky.
Which leaves, of course, Horror fiction. But that's a post all by itself.
Anyone see any good horror movies lately?
posted by The Angry Piper at 2:30 PM
9 Comments:
It's damn near impossible to make a good horror movie these days. You almost have to bill it as a different type of movie to fool the audience. Most audiences, nowadays, know every trick and turn... ahhhh, alas.
But, if you want to be scared by low productions values and a tacked on ending that will make you SCREEEEEAM!!!! try 'Dead Hate the Living'.
Drm Murk is at...
Hill Tv
Yeah, few fokes reconize that scary dont mean startlin. It mean creepy an disturbin. It come from imagry and sugjestion. Its suttle, not spectaculer. Ya cant calcyulate it. Its art. Makin it rquires balls. Most filmakers try t play it safe.
Sorry, I found the Ring stupid, though I found Rungu a bit better. Audition ruled, but was more disturbing than scary. I alwasy find my self going back to the classics. Something has happened to horror since the Scary Movie phenonmenon.
I gotta disagree with you, Tel. I found Jeepers Creepers to be pretty insipid, and I didn't bother to watch the second installment. I will agree with you about "IT" though...although the book was scarier by far and the TV movie owes pretty much everything to Tim Curry's outstanding performance as Pennywise. (Anyone else think he would have made a better Joker than Jack Nicholson?)
I planned on doing a post on horror fiction soon, but I guess I'll give my two cents now...Stephen King is an incredible writer, but in general, his endings SUCK. (IMHO, of course, and I should say I haven't read everything by him, and I haven't been published myself.) My favorite King books are The Stand and Salem's Lot, because both ended well and were great throughout. It's weird. In general I love his books all the way up until the end, and "IT" was no exception (a space spider? whaaaaa?)
I'm midway through his Gunslinger books. I'm taking my time and reading lots of stuff in between. His book on writing appropriately titled "On Writing" is a treasure chest for aspiring writers like me. OK, I'm done talking about King.
Thanks for the post!
Of course you realize, Tel, that two comments now makes you a blog regular.
I agree with the Piper. It is the only book I have ever read that scared the shit out of me.
Does that monster under the bed have tenticles?
I found the remake of Dawn of the Dead to be pretty scary. The concept of loved ones and friends turning into undead cannibals who are coming after you, is pretty disturbing if you let the idea really sink in.
Plus, the fast moving zombies are much scarier than the shambling hordes of old.
Nothing beats the horror of the Mansquito however…. The realization that someone actually made this movie is enough to rock the very foundation if your mind.
p.s.
And I really wish I could edit my posts to fix typos...
Ahh well.
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