Roleplaying Session Pt. 2
The scene: Same as in part one, but an hour later. CHRIS and ZACH have finished a few rounds of darts. KEITH has just got off the phone with girlfriend #2. He heads over to the others.
KEITH: (mumbles unintelligibly)
ZACH: ...and that's how I found out she was really a man. Trouble in paradise, Keith-o? (Enter RILEY and OWEN).
KEITH: Fuck it guys, let's just play.
OWEN: We brought beer.
RILEY: (sneezing) I think I'm allergic to something down here...
KEITH: What else is new? OK, guys.. as soon as Chuck gets here...(Enter CHUCK, ducking his head).
CHUCK: I'm here. I was just finishing my cigarette.
CHRIS: Zach smokes. (CHRIS, ZACH, and KEITH chuckle. The others just look confused.) Forget it-long story.
KEITH: OK guys, now that you're all here, I can start my new game: "Scots in Space!!" (They all gather around the card table. It's crowded.)
Here's the deal: You're all part of a salvage crew. You own a space tug and you operate outside of the law, meaning if you see something worth money, you appropriate it and haul it in. It's dangerous, but it's a living. Oh yeah-coincidentally you're all Scottish and your tug is the S.S. Haggis. Since this is the first time we're playing, introduce all your characters, although in the game you all know each other.
OWEN: OK. I'm Angus MacAngus, and I'm the ship's technician. I fix shit. (Owen hands out a beer to everyone but Zach, who shakes his head)
ZACH: I'll stick to coke. I'm Captain MacPeterson. I'm in charge of the tug. My code name is "Dragon Eel."
ALL: (but ZACH) Dragon Eel?
CHRIS: Dude, that sucks. That's the worst name ever. Why do you need a code name, anyway?
ZACH: ...Fine. Forget the code name. Just call me Captain.
CHUCK: I'm done with my beer. Got another one?
KEITH: Christ, he just gave it to you 5 seconds ago!
CHUCK: I was thirsty. (OWEN gives him another) Anyway, my character is Angus-
KEITH: Wait a sec. Does anyone here have a character whose first name isn't Angus? (They all look at each other. Finally, Zach and Chris raise their hands slowly.)
RILEY: I was gonna go with "Mayor McCheese", but I didn't think you'd go for it. I couldn't think of another Scottish name. Angus is the "Chris" of Scottish names. Everyone over there is named Angus. Just be glad I didn't name my guy "Colonel Angus". Heh.
KEITH: What are the chances of having 3 Anguses in the same game?
RILEY: Probably about as high as having 3 Chrises.
OWEN: I name all my characters Angus. You know that.
KEITH: OK, well, in that case, Owen gets to keep the name Angus. Everyone else's character will be referred to by their last name. What's your character's first name, Zach?
ZACH: Brick.
CHRIS: Are you Mcshitting me? You suck at names, dude. Brick?
ZACH: Just call me Captain.
KEITH: OK, go on, Chuck.
CHUCK: Got another beer? I'm empty again.
RILEY: For fuck's sake..!
CHUCK: OK...my guy's name is McKenzie. I'm a huge Scottish guy.
OWEN: Really stretching those roleplaying muscles, huh, dude?
CHUCK: I'm also the pilot.
RILEY: My name is MacReady. I'm the tug's military specialist. I'm a former mercenary. (sneezes) Christ, I really think I'm allergic to something down here.
CHRIS: I'm "Three Shots" Ernie McCaster, the science officer. I'm also really good with a laser pistol.
CHUCK: Why would a space tug need a science officer?
CHRIS: I didn't KNOW we were gonna be on a space tug.
KEITH: Don't sweat it. You can identify metals and stuff.
CHRIS: Wow. That's really...not all that cool.
RILEY: Why "Three-shots?"
CHRIS: Because, I always give my enemies three chances to hit me before I draw and fire. I'm that good.
OWEN: Are you fucking serious? Dude, this is space. People have lasers. All they need to do is hit you ONCE, and you have a smoking hole where your chest used to be. Why give them 3 shots?
CHRIS: I'm just playing in character. It's the code I live by. It's what sets me apart from all other science officers.
RILEY: (sneezes) Anyone got any tissues?
KEITH: OK, business has been slow lately for the S.S. Haggis, which is why you're so thrilled when long-range sensors pick up a floating derelict spaceship. You decide to investigate closer, so you apply the docking clamps and suit up. After a few minutes, you're all inside the derelict ship. You realize that the tug has gravity and atmosphere...
RILEY: Atmosphere? Like ambience? Heh heh. (sneezes)
CHUCK: So who is flying the tug?
KEITH: No one. It's docked.
CHUCK: Gee, I'm sure glad I spent all those points on piloting skill.
OWEN: Anyone else think it's weird that the "abandoned" space ship has atmosphere?
RILEY: "I cannae accoont for it, Cap'n." Sorry. I learned my Scottish from Chris Claremont when he was writing X-Men.
KEITH: It is odd, that's for sure. You find yourselves in the cargo bay. You all get out of your suits, seeing how you dinnae need them. The cargo bay is huge, at least 20 meters high. It's surprisingly empty, but there are a few crates against the far wall.
CHUCK: I swing on the rafters.
KEITH: They're 20 meters high.
CHUCK: Can I get up there?
KEITH: There's a stairway, sure.
CHUCK: I swing on the rafters.
OWEN: Any particular reason?
CHUCK: ...
CHUCK: ...
CHUCK: ...no.
OWEN: Angus tries to see if there are any signs of damage to the ship.
RILEY: MacReady goes to investigate the crates. I have my sawed-off shotgun, that way if I have to shoot anything I won't blow a hole in the hull and suck us out into space.
CHRIS: McCaster is ready to draw his laser pistol at a moment's notice. I set it low so I don't blow a hole through the hull and suck us out into space.
ZACH: MacPeterson yells: "McKenzie, get down here!"
CHUCK: I let go and float down.
KEITH: There's gravity, dumbass. You're 20 meters up. Wanna rethink that?
CHUCK: Oh. Right. OK, I make my way down. Think I could get another beer?
KEITH: It'll take a while to traverse the rafters. Angus, you don't see any damage in the cargo bay. MacReady, you're getting closer to the crates, when one of them explodes and something comes flying out at you.
CHUCK: I knew it! It's the monster aboard the derelict spaceship! You know...the one that killed the crew and now it's gonna kill us. I have it all figured out. Am I down there yet?
KEITH: Not even close. About anything.
ZACH: Captain MacPeterson immediately seeks to find cover and commences firing at the enemy with his laser pistol, using suppression fire to pin the hostiles until we can ascertain their numbers. My gun is also set on low, so I don't shoot a hole in the hull and suck us out into space. I'm prepping a concussion grenade as well.
OWEN: Do you HAVE a concussion grenade?
ZACH: Of course.
KEITH: Let me see your character sheet. (looks it over) There's no grenades on here. Nice try.
ZACH: I have survival gear. It clearly falls under the heading of survival gear.
KEITH: Nice try. What's MacReady doing?
RILEY: (sneezes) I hold my fire and try to see what's coming out of the crates.
CHRIS: I draw my Mcpistol and fire at the first thing that's not MacReady I see, all in one motion.
KEITH: OK, make your roll. (CHRIS rolls dice) OK, McCaster, you blow a smoking hole in something, but from where you are you cannae tell what it is.
RILEY: Can MacReady? I get closer to it, with my gun levelled. (sneezes)
KEITH: OK-McKenzie manages to climb off the rafters at the top of the stairs. McCaster is standing there with his laser pistol out. Captain MacPeterson is hidden behind a strut, hunting for grenades he was sure he packed. Angus comes over to see what's going on. MacReady has his gun pointed at...something familiar.
RILEY: What is it?
KEITH: Well, it looks like it had the body and head of a rabbit, the antlers of a deer, the wings of an eagle and (miming fangs) great big, pointy teeth...
RILEY: (sneezing) BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
OWEN: Oh, fuck you guys.
CHRIS: What?
RILEY: Wolpertingers!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
KEITH: Correction: they're "space wolpertingers."
OWEN: FUCK YOU GUYS!!!
CHUCK: What the fuck is a wolpertinger?
KEITH: I just described them to you...
OWEN: These guys are assholes. I put them in my Fantasy game once and I've never heard the end of it.
CHRIS: Well, they do sound pretty stupid...
OWEN: They're from GERMAN FOLKLORE!!! I didn't make them up!!!
CHUCK: Does that mean there are Germans in space too?
RILEY: I hope the fuck not. Check it out, dude. (shows OWEN a sketch he has made depicting a wolpertinger in a space suit, complete with fishbowl helmet.) BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! (sneezes)
KEITH: You don't have time to ponder the existence of Germans in space, McKenzie, for just then, the rest of the crates erupt , disgorging more mad space wolpertingers!
OWEN: Oh, for fuck's sake...
(The ensuing confrontation is short but bloody. In the end, the characters destroy all the space wolpertingers and suffer minimal casualties. Hours later (real time), the characters have discovered that the ship has been overrun with space wolpertingers and they must somehow eradicate them if they want to seize the ship for profit. They also discover a human survivor-an old man who calls himself "Salty". Salty is clearly mad, having watched slavering space wolpertingers devour his crew. The characters and Salty are hiding in the engine room.)
ZACH: So how the hell are we gonna get rid of these things? I say we form small fire teams and separate, attaching flashlights to the muzzles of our guns and holding them far way from our bodies so as to give a flase indication of were we are, and kill anything we come across.
KEITH: Salty says: "Dahr, ye'll be dead fer sure."
OWEN: He really talks like that?
KEITH: All the time.
RILEY: How are we fixed for ammo? I'm almost out.
CHRIS: I'm almost empty after that fight in the cargo bay.
CHUCK: I'm full, because I didn't shoot at anything. It was all over before I got down the stairs.
ZACH: Maybe we should take a trip back to the Haggis and load up.
KEITH: Salty looks at you as if to say that won't be necessary and you may find ammo on the corpses of his comrades.
CHRIS: "Looks at us as if to say..."
RILEY: Can you show us that look, Keith? Can I see what a "ammo on the corpses of my buddies" look LOOKS like?
KEITH: "Dahr, shut up." Salty says.
OWEN: Well, I'd imagine it's not a look you're likely to see very often.
RILEY: I look at him as if to say could you direct me to the nearest ammo-dispensing cadaver? (sneezes)
CHUCK: Why are we wasting time? Let's just flood the ship with nerve gas. That'll kill all of them.
CHRIS: And all of us too.
CHUCK: Hello? Not if we get in our spacesuits.
CHRIS: Hello? Which are back in the cargo hold.
KEITH: Salty says "Dahr, there be no nerve gas aboard."
RILEY: You sure he doesn't just look at McKenzie as if to say that?
CHUCK: Who cares if there's no nerve gas aboard? Can't we just make it?
OWEN: What the fuck are you talking about? How are we supposed to do that?
CHUCK: We just find a computer and tell the ship to make nerve gas.
OWEN: This isn't Star Trek, dude...
KEITH: Yeah. The ship can't CREATE anything. It has to be on the ship in the first place, and believe it or not, most people don't carry enough nerve gas to flood their ship as standard cargo. It's also outlawed.
RILEY: Dude...speaking of nerve gas, if I don't get out of this basement I think my face is going to melt. (sneezes)
ZACH: You're allergic to everything, aren't you?
RILEY: Space wolpertingers have this effect on me.
OWEN: Fuck you.
KEITH: OK, fine. Let's wrap this up for tonight then. We can pick up where we left off, or we can just say that the crew of the S.S. Haggis was never heard from again.
RILEY: I vote for that.
OWEN: I hate leaving things unresolved!!!!!
CHUCK: Any beer left?
KEITH: (mumbles unintelligibly)
ZACH: ...and that's how I found out she was really a man. Trouble in paradise, Keith-o? (Enter RILEY and OWEN).
KEITH: Fuck it guys, let's just play.
OWEN: We brought beer.
RILEY: (sneezing) I think I'm allergic to something down here...
KEITH: What else is new? OK, guys.. as soon as Chuck gets here...(Enter CHUCK, ducking his head).
CHUCK: I'm here. I was just finishing my cigarette.
CHRIS: Zach smokes. (CHRIS, ZACH, and KEITH chuckle. The others just look confused.) Forget it-long story.
KEITH: OK guys, now that you're all here, I can start my new game: "Scots in Space!!" (They all gather around the card table. It's crowded.)
Here's the deal: You're all part of a salvage crew. You own a space tug and you operate outside of the law, meaning if you see something worth money, you appropriate it and haul it in. It's dangerous, but it's a living. Oh yeah-coincidentally you're all Scottish and your tug is the S.S. Haggis. Since this is the first time we're playing, introduce all your characters, although in the game you all know each other.
OWEN: OK. I'm Angus MacAngus, and I'm the ship's technician. I fix shit. (Owen hands out a beer to everyone but Zach, who shakes his head)
ZACH: I'll stick to coke. I'm Captain MacPeterson. I'm in charge of the tug. My code name is "Dragon Eel."
ALL: (but ZACH) Dragon Eel?
CHRIS: Dude, that sucks. That's the worst name ever. Why do you need a code name, anyway?
ZACH: ...Fine. Forget the code name. Just call me Captain.
CHUCK: I'm done with my beer. Got another one?
KEITH: Christ, he just gave it to you 5 seconds ago!
CHUCK: I was thirsty. (OWEN gives him another) Anyway, my character is Angus-
KEITH: Wait a sec. Does anyone here have a character whose first name isn't Angus? (They all look at each other. Finally, Zach and Chris raise their hands slowly.)
RILEY: I was gonna go with "Mayor McCheese", but I didn't think you'd go for it. I couldn't think of another Scottish name. Angus is the "Chris" of Scottish names. Everyone over there is named Angus. Just be glad I didn't name my guy "Colonel Angus". Heh.
KEITH: What are the chances of having 3 Anguses in the same game?
RILEY: Probably about as high as having 3 Chrises.
OWEN: I name all my characters Angus. You know that.
KEITH: OK, well, in that case, Owen gets to keep the name Angus. Everyone else's character will be referred to by their last name. What's your character's first name, Zach?
ZACH: Brick.
CHRIS: Are you Mcshitting me? You suck at names, dude. Brick?
ZACH: Just call me Captain.
KEITH: OK, go on, Chuck.
CHUCK: Got another beer? I'm empty again.
RILEY: For fuck's sake..!
CHUCK: OK...my guy's name is McKenzie. I'm a huge Scottish guy.
OWEN: Really stretching those roleplaying muscles, huh, dude?
CHUCK: I'm also the pilot.
RILEY: My name is MacReady. I'm the tug's military specialist. I'm a former mercenary. (sneezes) Christ, I really think I'm allergic to something down here.
CHRIS: I'm "Three Shots" Ernie McCaster, the science officer. I'm also really good with a laser pistol.
CHUCK: Why would a space tug need a science officer?
CHRIS: I didn't KNOW we were gonna be on a space tug.
KEITH: Don't sweat it. You can identify metals and stuff.
CHRIS: Wow. That's really...not all that cool.
RILEY: Why "Three-shots?"
CHRIS: Because, I always give my enemies three chances to hit me before I draw and fire. I'm that good.
OWEN: Are you fucking serious? Dude, this is space. People have lasers. All they need to do is hit you ONCE, and you have a smoking hole where your chest used to be. Why give them 3 shots?
CHRIS: I'm just playing in character. It's the code I live by. It's what sets me apart from all other science officers.
RILEY: (sneezes) Anyone got any tissues?
KEITH: OK, business has been slow lately for the S.S. Haggis, which is why you're so thrilled when long-range sensors pick up a floating derelict spaceship. You decide to investigate closer, so you apply the docking clamps and suit up. After a few minutes, you're all inside the derelict ship. You realize that the tug has gravity and atmosphere...
RILEY: Atmosphere? Like ambience? Heh heh. (sneezes)
CHUCK: So who is flying the tug?
KEITH: No one. It's docked.
CHUCK: Gee, I'm sure glad I spent all those points on piloting skill.
OWEN: Anyone else think it's weird that the "abandoned" space ship has atmosphere?
RILEY: "I cannae accoont for it, Cap'n." Sorry. I learned my Scottish from Chris Claremont when he was writing X-Men.
KEITH: It is odd, that's for sure. You find yourselves in the cargo bay. You all get out of your suits, seeing how you dinnae need them. The cargo bay is huge, at least 20 meters high. It's surprisingly empty, but there are a few crates against the far wall.
CHUCK: I swing on the rafters.
KEITH: They're 20 meters high.
CHUCK: Can I get up there?
KEITH: There's a stairway, sure.
CHUCK: I swing on the rafters.
OWEN: Any particular reason?
CHUCK: ...
CHUCK: ...
CHUCK: ...no.
OWEN: Angus tries to see if there are any signs of damage to the ship.
RILEY: MacReady goes to investigate the crates. I have my sawed-off shotgun, that way if I have to shoot anything I won't blow a hole in the hull and suck us out into space.
CHRIS: McCaster is ready to draw his laser pistol at a moment's notice. I set it low so I don't blow a hole through the hull and suck us out into space.
ZACH: MacPeterson yells: "McKenzie, get down here!"
CHUCK: I let go and float down.
KEITH: There's gravity, dumbass. You're 20 meters up. Wanna rethink that?
CHUCK: Oh. Right. OK, I make my way down. Think I could get another beer?
KEITH: It'll take a while to traverse the rafters. Angus, you don't see any damage in the cargo bay. MacReady, you're getting closer to the crates, when one of them explodes and something comes flying out at you.
CHUCK: I knew it! It's the monster aboard the derelict spaceship! You know...the one that killed the crew and now it's gonna kill us. I have it all figured out. Am I down there yet?
KEITH: Not even close. About anything.
ZACH: Captain MacPeterson immediately seeks to find cover and commences firing at the enemy with his laser pistol, using suppression fire to pin the hostiles until we can ascertain their numbers. My gun is also set on low, so I don't shoot a hole in the hull and suck us out into space. I'm prepping a concussion grenade as well.
OWEN: Do you HAVE a concussion grenade?
ZACH: Of course.
KEITH: Let me see your character sheet. (looks it over) There's no grenades on here. Nice try.
ZACH: I have survival gear. It clearly falls under the heading of survival gear.
KEITH: Nice try. What's MacReady doing?
RILEY: (sneezes) I hold my fire and try to see what's coming out of the crates.
CHRIS: I draw my Mcpistol and fire at the first thing that's not MacReady I see, all in one motion.
KEITH: OK, make your roll. (CHRIS rolls dice) OK, McCaster, you blow a smoking hole in something, but from where you are you cannae tell what it is.
RILEY: Can MacReady? I get closer to it, with my gun levelled. (sneezes)
KEITH: OK-McKenzie manages to climb off the rafters at the top of the stairs. McCaster is standing there with his laser pistol out. Captain MacPeterson is hidden behind a strut, hunting for grenades he was sure he packed. Angus comes over to see what's going on. MacReady has his gun pointed at...something familiar.
RILEY: What is it?
KEITH: Well, it looks like it had the body and head of a rabbit, the antlers of a deer, the wings of an eagle and (miming fangs) great big, pointy teeth...
RILEY: (sneezing) BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
OWEN: Oh, fuck you guys.
CHRIS: What?
RILEY: Wolpertingers!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
KEITH: Correction: they're "space wolpertingers."
OWEN: FUCK YOU GUYS!!!
CHUCK: What the fuck is a wolpertinger?
KEITH: I just described them to you...
OWEN: These guys are assholes. I put them in my Fantasy game once and I've never heard the end of it.
CHRIS: Well, they do sound pretty stupid...
OWEN: They're from GERMAN FOLKLORE!!! I didn't make them up!!!
CHUCK: Does that mean there are Germans in space too?
RILEY: I hope the fuck not. Check it out, dude. (shows OWEN a sketch he has made depicting a wolpertinger in a space suit, complete with fishbowl helmet.) BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! (sneezes)
KEITH: You don't have time to ponder the existence of Germans in space, McKenzie, for just then, the rest of the crates erupt , disgorging more mad space wolpertingers!
OWEN: Oh, for fuck's sake...
(The ensuing confrontation is short but bloody. In the end, the characters destroy all the space wolpertingers and suffer minimal casualties. Hours later (real time), the characters have discovered that the ship has been overrun with space wolpertingers and they must somehow eradicate them if they want to seize the ship for profit. They also discover a human survivor-an old man who calls himself "Salty". Salty is clearly mad, having watched slavering space wolpertingers devour his crew. The characters and Salty are hiding in the engine room.)
ZACH: So how the hell are we gonna get rid of these things? I say we form small fire teams and separate, attaching flashlights to the muzzles of our guns and holding them far way from our bodies so as to give a flase indication of were we are, and kill anything we come across.
KEITH: Salty says: "Dahr, ye'll be dead fer sure."
OWEN: He really talks like that?
KEITH: All the time.
RILEY: How are we fixed for ammo? I'm almost out.
CHRIS: I'm almost empty after that fight in the cargo bay.
CHUCK: I'm full, because I didn't shoot at anything. It was all over before I got down the stairs.
ZACH: Maybe we should take a trip back to the Haggis and load up.
KEITH: Salty looks at you as if to say that won't be necessary and you may find ammo on the corpses of his comrades.
CHRIS: "Looks at us as if to say..."
RILEY: Can you show us that look, Keith? Can I see what a "ammo on the corpses of my buddies" look LOOKS like?
KEITH: "Dahr, shut up." Salty says.
OWEN: Well, I'd imagine it's not a look you're likely to see very often.
RILEY: I look at him as if to say could you direct me to the nearest ammo-dispensing cadaver? (sneezes)
CHUCK: Why are we wasting time? Let's just flood the ship with nerve gas. That'll kill all of them.
CHRIS: And all of us too.
CHUCK: Hello? Not if we get in our spacesuits.
CHRIS: Hello? Which are back in the cargo hold.
KEITH: Salty says "Dahr, there be no nerve gas aboard."
RILEY: You sure he doesn't just look at McKenzie as if to say that?
CHUCK: Who cares if there's no nerve gas aboard? Can't we just make it?
OWEN: What the fuck are you talking about? How are we supposed to do that?
CHUCK: We just find a computer and tell the ship to make nerve gas.
OWEN: This isn't Star Trek, dude...
KEITH: Yeah. The ship can't CREATE anything. It has to be on the ship in the first place, and believe it or not, most people don't carry enough nerve gas to flood their ship as standard cargo. It's also outlawed.
RILEY: Dude...speaking of nerve gas, if I don't get out of this basement I think my face is going to melt. (sneezes)
ZACH: You're allergic to everything, aren't you?
RILEY: Space wolpertingers have this effect on me.
OWEN: Fuck you.
KEITH: OK, fine. Let's wrap this up for tonight then. We can pick up where we left off, or we can just say that the crew of the S.S. Haggis was never heard from again.
RILEY: I vote for that.
OWEN: I hate leaving things unresolved!!!!!
CHUCK: Any beer left?
posted by The Angry Piper at 11:05 AM
7 Comments:
Nice, but you forgot that, in addition to them all being named Angus, all my characters are also dour, abrasive and ugly. Well most of them are. This is to “stretch my role playing muscles” since in real life I’m handsome and happy-go-lucky.
Those Wolpertinkers kicked your ASSES in that fantasy game, btw. They had big pointy teeth.
Damn…. Now I want to play.
Don't you ever take the name of Brick Petersen in vain again, and where are all the swarthy looking desert dwellers?
Ummm, hello? Three Shots Ernie Caster didn't GIVE his opponents three shots. He would only TAKE three shots at them. He figured, if he couldn't kill a man in three shots, he was getting too old and long in the tooth, and would end up dead anyways.
Hey, Boot Hill, baby!
Was this past session Star Frontiers? *hack*
You know...something about that whole Ernie Caster thing bugged me when I was writing this...I kept wondering how he survived as long as he did. Now I know I got it all wrong. Still, my version is appropriately stupid for the game in general.
And yes, this "scenario" was based on a recent Star Frontiers revival. Minus the wolpertingers. And the Scots.
But more of it happened than you might think.
Cool! I wanna be a monkey guy with goggles... or a wolpertinger gunner.
Some guys have all the fun. *sigh*
I was named after the lead character in a play written by a Pulitzer Prize winning writer. I shall not be mocked!!!
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