25 Things
This post is a shameless ripoff of a friend's blog, in which he did the same thing a week or so ago. But what the hell-it was a good idea and I've decided to copy it. Sue me if you can.
25 things you may (or may not) know about the Angry Piper
1. One of my most odious personal habits is this: I love sunflower seeds, but I hate cracking the shells to extract the good part, and besides, only the shells are salted. So, rather than spending a lot of time cracking, eating and spitting shells, I just cram a handful of seeds in my mouth and chew them all up, sucking out the good part and spitting out the woody, pulpy residue. It's very gross. It looks like something you would line a hamster cage with and afterwards I'm liable to spend the next 5 minutes spitting out small slivers of shells, but by then I'm ready for another mouthful.
2. 5 years ago, I didn't drink beer (I didn't drink at all, in fact) and I weighed 40 lbs. less. I also exercised regularly. I think there may be a connection somewhere.
3. My heroes (or at least people who inspire me greatly) include: Harlan Ellison, Paddy Keenan, Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., J.R.R. Tolkien, and William Shakespeare. 4 out of 5 of them are, or were, writers. My hero used to be Bruce Lee. I feel I've grown.
4. I was an asshole in high school. Some would say I'm an asshole still, but I was really an asshole in high school.
5. If I had my life to live over, I would have started playing bagpipes earlier. I also would have started writing earlier. And I probably would have tried to be less of an asshole in high school.
6. I have over 6,000 comic books. That number is decreasing, but not as quickly as I would like. I can't begin to guess their value. It's a lot.
7. I have a very close friend who I am a little afraid of. And no, it's not you, Malach.
8. I like big butts and I cannot lie.
9. If there is one relationship in my life that I could go back in time and try again, it would be the one with my brother. We get along great now, but it wasn't always so. I regret that.
10. One of my biggest pet peeves, right up there with telemarketers and popup windows, is the fact that when I go to the freakin' deli for a pound of turkey I end up paying for half a pound of turkey and half a pound of water.
11. I couldn't possibly choose my favorite movie. Nor could I choose my favorite book. I think people who can do either haven't seen enough movies or read enough books.
12. My local newspaper is horrible. It's bad enough it's written at the 3rd grade level, but it also routinely contains spelling errors and the directory is often wrong. For example, if you're looking for Want Ads and it says it's in section C4, try checking D2, because it has just as much of a chance of being there. Once, years ago, I took a big red magic marker and corrected all the mistakes I found, then put the paper in a manila shipping envelope and addressed it to the editor. He has yet to respond.
13. My boss is such a piss-poor manager that when I apply for another job I will list my current postion under "supervisory experience", because every day for the past two years he has shown me what NOT to do in order to be an effective leader.
14. My favorite superhero, hands-down, is Spider-Man, and has been since I was 13. However, if I could BE any one superhero, I'd pick Superman, because hey-he's freakin' SUPERMAN.
15. I was once in a commercial for a comic shop. In that commercial, through the magic of special effects (a firecracker and a mask), my head exploded. Yes, I still have the commercial. No, you can't see it.
16. Two years of working with adolescent girls has reinforced my conviction that I never want children. Ever.
17. Two places I can literally spend all day in: a used book store and a comic shop. And I do mean all day.
18. When I was in college, I deliberately rented every Linda Blair movie I could get my hands on. I'm still not sure what that was all about. While I can't say for sure what my favorite movie is, I can certainly say Linda Blair wasn't in it. My friend Roland has a picture of himself standing with Linda Blair at Spooky World (she's quite short). She autographed a can of pea soup for him.
19. I, along with three friends who are no doubt reading this blog, once sculpted a 4' high erect penis, complete with scrotum, out of snow (I have pictures). We did this on the front lawn of my friend's house. At some point during the night, the snow turned to rain, melting the penis. My friend's father got up to go to work very early in the morning. To this day, we are all unsure if he saw the penis in its erect or flaccid state, and we're all too scared to ask.
20. One of the songs I remember most vividly from my elementary school music class was Don Gato, the saga of the fat cat who fell off a roof. I was sure that I was the only one who remembered this song, until a friend told me she remembered it too, and dug the lyrics out of cyberspace for me. We did not go to school together, and I didn't meet her until we were both in our late 20's. Funny little world, ennit?
21. I hate hate HATE Bob Seger with the white-hot intensity of 1000 suns. If I never hear Old Time Rock & Roll again, it will be too soon. I don't know why it has been consigned to every wedding I have attended since 1985, but it makes me feel like I'm in hell every fucking time I hear it.
22. I, too, love roleplaying games. My favorite would be Dungeons & Dragons, even after all these years. The most intense roleplaying game I ever participated in was a Vampire: The Masquerade game run by my friend Chris, and it was a great time. But when I think of the best rpg times in my life, I'm in a basement with a non-regulation pool table, dart board, and three friends who drank way too much caffeine-free coke and made me laugh so hard I almost pissed my pants, and it's 2 am and we're on our third game of the night, with one more to go (Boot Hill, of course!) ere we sleep. Thanks, guys.
23. My favorite Disney movie is Beauty and the Beast, mainly becuse of the wicked cool library the Beast has in his castle, but also because it's a great movie.
24. I have a weakness for blaxploitation films. Coffee, The Big Bird Cage, TNT Jackson, Dolemite, Petey Wheatstraw: The Devil's son-in-law, Black Samurai, Shaft in Africa, Blacula, Superfly, Avenging Disco Godfather...I love 'em all. And no, they're not politically correct. I also have a full run of Power Man comics, the first black superhero ever to get his own magazine, back in the 1970's. It's about as good as you'd expect.
25. I had an ex-girlfriend about ten years ago who used to hound me mercilessly about the fact that I didn't share my personal problems with her. The truth is, I didn't really have anything I needed to share, but she didn't believe that. One day, after a particularly annoying hounding session, I confessed that I did indeed have a problem that I could use some fresh perspective on. To make a long story short, after telling her for about 15 minutes that I felt I could trust her, that we'd come so far in our relationship that she would understand me, that I desperately needed someone to listen and not judge me, blah blah blah.... I told her my problem.
I told her I was a werewolf.
It's the only time a girl has ever punched me in the face, and I guess I deserved it. In an unrelated story, that same girl has disappeared off the face of the Earth, and I've tried finding her several times, just to see what she's up to. Oh well.
Perhaps it's for the best.
25 things you may (or may not) know about the Angry Piper
1. One of my most odious personal habits is this: I love sunflower seeds, but I hate cracking the shells to extract the good part, and besides, only the shells are salted. So, rather than spending a lot of time cracking, eating and spitting shells, I just cram a handful of seeds in my mouth and chew them all up, sucking out the good part and spitting out the woody, pulpy residue. It's very gross. It looks like something you would line a hamster cage with and afterwards I'm liable to spend the next 5 minutes spitting out small slivers of shells, but by then I'm ready for another mouthful.
2. 5 years ago, I didn't drink beer (I didn't drink at all, in fact) and I weighed 40 lbs. less. I also exercised regularly. I think there may be a connection somewhere.
3. My heroes (or at least people who inspire me greatly) include: Harlan Ellison, Paddy Keenan, Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., J.R.R. Tolkien, and William Shakespeare. 4 out of 5 of them are, or were, writers. My hero used to be Bruce Lee. I feel I've grown.
4. I was an asshole in high school. Some would say I'm an asshole still, but I was really an asshole in high school.
5. If I had my life to live over, I would have started playing bagpipes earlier. I also would have started writing earlier. And I probably would have tried to be less of an asshole in high school.
6. I have over 6,000 comic books. That number is decreasing, but not as quickly as I would like. I can't begin to guess their value. It's a lot.
7. I have a very close friend who I am a little afraid of. And no, it's not you, Malach.
8. I like big butts and I cannot lie.
9. If there is one relationship in my life that I could go back in time and try again, it would be the one with my brother. We get along great now, but it wasn't always so. I regret that.
10. One of my biggest pet peeves, right up there with telemarketers and popup windows, is the fact that when I go to the freakin' deli for a pound of turkey I end up paying for half a pound of turkey and half a pound of water.
11. I couldn't possibly choose my favorite movie. Nor could I choose my favorite book. I think people who can do either haven't seen enough movies or read enough books.
12. My local newspaper is horrible. It's bad enough it's written at the 3rd grade level, but it also routinely contains spelling errors and the directory is often wrong. For example, if you're looking for Want Ads and it says it's in section C4, try checking D2, because it has just as much of a chance of being there. Once, years ago, I took a big red magic marker and corrected all the mistakes I found, then put the paper in a manila shipping envelope and addressed it to the editor. He has yet to respond.
13. My boss is such a piss-poor manager that when I apply for another job I will list my current postion under "supervisory experience", because every day for the past two years he has shown me what NOT to do in order to be an effective leader.
14. My favorite superhero, hands-down, is Spider-Man, and has been since I was 13. However, if I could BE any one superhero, I'd pick Superman, because hey-he's freakin' SUPERMAN.
15. I was once in a commercial for a comic shop. In that commercial, through the magic of special effects (a firecracker and a mask), my head exploded. Yes, I still have the commercial. No, you can't see it.
16. Two years of working with adolescent girls has reinforced my conviction that I never want children. Ever.
17. Two places I can literally spend all day in: a used book store and a comic shop. And I do mean all day.
18. When I was in college, I deliberately rented every Linda Blair movie I could get my hands on. I'm still not sure what that was all about. While I can't say for sure what my favorite movie is, I can certainly say Linda Blair wasn't in it. My friend Roland has a picture of himself standing with Linda Blair at Spooky World (she's quite short). She autographed a can of pea soup for him.
19. I, along with three friends who are no doubt reading this blog, once sculpted a 4' high erect penis, complete with scrotum, out of snow (I have pictures). We did this on the front lawn of my friend's house. At some point during the night, the snow turned to rain, melting the penis. My friend's father got up to go to work very early in the morning. To this day, we are all unsure if he saw the penis in its erect or flaccid state, and we're all too scared to ask.
20. One of the songs I remember most vividly from my elementary school music class was Don Gato, the saga of the fat cat who fell off a roof. I was sure that I was the only one who remembered this song, until a friend told me she remembered it too, and dug the lyrics out of cyberspace for me. We did not go to school together, and I didn't meet her until we were both in our late 20's. Funny little world, ennit?
21. I hate hate HATE Bob Seger with the white-hot intensity of 1000 suns. If I never hear Old Time Rock & Roll again, it will be too soon. I don't know why it has been consigned to every wedding I have attended since 1985, but it makes me feel like I'm in hell every fucking time I hear it.
22. I, too, love roleplaying games. My favorite would be Dungeons & Dragons, even after all these years. The most intense roleplaying game I ever participated in was a Vampire: The Masquerade game run by my friend Chris, and it was a great time. But when I think of the best rpg times in my life, I'm in a basement with a non-regulation pool table, dart board, and three friends who drank way too much caffeine-free coke and made me laugh so hard I almost pissed my pants, and it's 2 am and we're on our third game of the night, with one more to go (Boot Hill, of course!) ere we sleep. Thanks, guys.
23. My favorite Disney movie is Beauty and the Beast, mainly becuse of the wicked cool library the Beast has in his castle, but also because it's a great movie.
24. I have a weakness for blaxploitation films. Coffee, The Big Bird Cage, TNT Jackson, Dolemite, Petey Wheatstraw: The Devil's son-in-law, Black Samurai, Shaft in Africa, Blacula, Superfly, Avenging Disco Godfather...I love 'em all. And no, they're not politically correct. I also have a full run of Power Man comics, the first black superhero ever to get his own magazine, back in the 1970's. It's about as good as you'd expect.
25. I had an ex-girlfriend about ten years ago who used to hound me mercilessly about the fact that I didn't share my personal problems with her. The truth is, I didn't really have anything I needed to share, but she didn't believe that. One day, after a particularly annoying hounding session, I confessed that I did indeed have a problem that I could use some fresh perspective on. To make a long story short, after telling her for about 15 minutes that I felt I could trust her, that we'd come so far in our relationship that she would understand me, that I desperately needed someone to listen and not judge me, blah blah blah.... I told her my problem.
I told her I was a werewolf.
It's the only time a girl has ever punched me in the face, and I guess I deserved it. In an unrelated story, that same girl has disappeared off the face of the Earth, and I've tried finding her several times, just to see what she's up to. Oh well.
Perhaps it's for the best.
posted by The Angry Piper at 7:15 PM
9 Comments:
I remember that werewolf story. It's still just as funny.
Oh, and it is wise for you to F33R MY Gr8 p0w3r!
It is better to be feared than loved.
The Newspaper? The Herald or ST?
I like you. You make me raff!
Sometimes I realize that the only reason I STILL play roleplaying games is because I want to recapture the feeling of being at deaths door at 3 am in Mr. P.'s basement, and laughing about it all. Even the walls were funny at times.
The Herald.
More Comments:
2. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, irony is funny
4. You were not an asshole . .. you were a mysanthropic, delusional, xenophobe . . . Ok you were and asshole.
9. If Seth had never stolen the Book of Hours, things would be much different.
11. Ditto
12. Yeah the Herald is one step above a High School Paper.
14. Mine, unsure, I like Wolverine, Batman, The Maxx, and Cerebus
16. I too detest adolescent females.
18. We have rented many a bad movie over the years . . Still have Orgy of the Dead.
19. Mr. Chelpat probably enoyed it in his own macho way. BTW, there are people with pics.
21. Hence it was one of three songs that the DJ could not play under any circumstances at my wedding.
25. Man chicks need a better sense of humor.
Oh and before I forget, Dr. Murk, Myself and the Portugee, are starting a new RPG in two weeks at the Malach residence. If you are up for it contact me via the phone number on my website.
* Scary, I thought I was the only person who ate sunflower seeds that way.
* You really were an asshole in high school and each time I have seen you since high school, you have lived up to that reputation.
* For some strange reason even after saying that, I still continue to see you.
* The Herald is crap but at least it does not have words in it like, "fixin to," and "St. Thomas More church."
* My all time favorite movie has to be American Werewolf in London. Right, Piper?
* Your 6000 comics must be worth something because you never let anyone touch them. Little plastic bags and an exact size piece of Scotch tape...Asshole.
* The best part of adolescent females is that they grow up to be great woman and good friends.
*This was fun, I may have to rip this off too.
Owen: It ain't you, either.
Murk: It's that time of night....when stupid things seem funny....
Tel: I'm not REALLY a werewolf. I just play one in D&D. :)
Eve: You just suck.
Shelled.
They sell them shelled. And salted.
You beast.
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