The Bloodening

Bravo to anyone who gets that title reference.

As many of you know, I have been shaving with my straight razor, Old Sharpy, for about a month now. Some of you have requested updates on my shaving misadventures, and thus I have been keeping a running score between Old Sharpy and myself. Old Sharpy gets a point every time he cuts me. I get a point every time I manage to shave my face without hemorrhaging blood into the sink. Currently, the score is Old Sharpy: 13, Angry Piper: 1.

I think everyone can agree that it’s a pretty one-sided game at this point.

Although it goes without question that I'm a bit more careful than usual when waving a three inch razor around my face, I should say that all cuts inflicted by Old Sharpy are extremely minor nicks that, because of their location (i.e. on my face), bleed like a stuck pig. Like the one I got a week ago just below my lower lip. There was so much blood on my chin it made me look like a vampire with no table manners. The next day, you could barely see it.

Nonetheless, I have discovered that in this time of disposable blades and pivoting, multi-bladed razors, shaving with a straight razor is something of a lost art. There is much to consider when starting down this path, and there is unquestionably an initial investment of money, time and your own blood that is daunting to some. For me, I’m just happy I no longer have to buy replacement razor blades. So, for those who care, here’s a brief account of the past two months: how I, The Angry Piper, have at long last scored my first point against Old Sharpy.

First of all, straight razors are not readily available in the state where I live, as barbers here are no longer allowed to shave people with them. So, I asked an out-of-state pal of mine to look into getting one for me. This she did, and I became the proud owner of a Dovo Solingen 5/8” Ebony straight razor. It’s a beautiful piece of workmanship, and it’s sharp as hell. As soon as I got it out of the box, I lay the blade upon my dry cheek to try and get a feel for the correct angle and it removed three hairs from my face. I immediately christened it “Old Sharpy”. Naturally, I had no illusions about the fact that during the learning process I was going to cut myself, probably often. So I went out and bought a styptic pencil. I also bought some Williams’ Mug Soap to use rather than shaving cream. I already had a shave brush, but I found my grandfather’s old shave brush at my grandmother’s house on Easter Sunday, so I use that now instead, for posterity. I also hit some yard sales in search of a mug with character, something old-looking to hold my suds while I shave. I still haven’t found anything yet (I passed on an old stone English marmalade jar), so for now I’m using a Marvel Comics coffee mug.

I figured Old Sharpy was shave-ready out of the box, so I decided to shave even though I didn’t have a strop or a honing stone yet. Old Sharpy scored three points on our first outing together. This is because I shaved like I normally would, i.e. downwards to my jawline, then upwards, against the grain, when shaving my Wookie-like neck hair. Two of the cuts were barely nicks; the third was more serious, although still very minor. It happened because Old Sharpy pulled a smidge horizontally at the end of one of my shaving arcs. Listen up, kids: you should never drag a straight razor horizontally against your neck.

Shortly after my first shave, while I was still feeling all the stubble I missed, I decided to check YouTube for some shaving videos, and lo and behold, I found an entire online community of straight razor shavers, some of whom actually post videos online! That’s how I found out straight razor shaving takes a bit longer, as you often have to shave several times in different directions to get the closest shave. So that’s what I did my second time, with much better results, although Old Sharpy scored three more points. (Ha Ha! Ooops! I just made a typo. I typed “pints” instead of points”. Old Sharpy hasn’t scored three pints…yet.)

I bought an old strop off eBay, something that’s clearly seen much use, but very cool. While watching stropping videos, I became aware that I had better learn to strop properly, as stropping incorrectly will dull a razor pretty quick. But it’s tough to see and get a feel for something I’ve never done before simply by watching a video (although it does work with porn). I figured I should ask a barber, but my own hairdresser is a fortysomething woman who likes to talk a lot and always tries to get me to use hair gel, so it’s unlikely she knows the fine points of keeping a razor keen. Then the secretary at my job told me her brother-in-law is a barber, and has been one for forty years.

In fact, when I first got the razor (and wouldn’t shut up about it), she asked him if he would teach me how to use it. He flatly refused, and told her to tell me to be extremely careful, as I was likely to cut my own throat with it, and he didn’t want to be responsible for that. Now that I was having stropping woes, she asked him again, and this time, he agreed to show me how to maintain the razor (but not how to shave with it). My meeting with the guy went well; by then I had shaved with Old Sharpy about six times and I still had all my facial features. He seemed surprised by this. He taught me the following things:

First: My mug soap dries out on my face because I’m taking too long to shave. (Of course, I’m taking a long time to shave because I’m trying to avoid disfigurement, but that’s another matter.)

Second: My shaving technique is basically correct. Yay me! The nicks happen because I’m still learning how to manipulate the razor like an expert. Also, he confirmed what I was already experiencing: the chin is the trickiest part of the face, and it takes a lot of practice (and blood loss) before you get it right. I must confess: several times I have cheated and used a disposable on my chin because I couldn’t seem to find a way to hold the razor that felt right, and I knew if I tried I’d cut myself, probably very badly. The most recent instance was the abovementioned chin nick last week, where there was so much blood on my chin I literally couldn’t see to shave it.

Third: He taught me how to strop correctly. He also told me I need a honing stone as soon as possible. Not because Old Sharpy needs it right now, but because the longer I wait to hone, the longer it will take to hone it when I do. The honing part is making me nervous, as I don’t want to fuck it up and ruin my razor. But I’ll get a stone soon.

And last: Apparently, after talking to me for a while and realizing what a cool cat I am, he reconsidered giving me shaving advice. He showed me an easy way to shave my moustache area that works great, as I have a rather large nose that makes it difficult for Old Sharpy to rest against my face at the desired angle.

Shortly thereafter, I joined the online forum www.straightrazorplace.com, where I discovered that Old Sharpy was a wise choice for a first razor (Thanks, Eve!). It’s a great forum, with way more information than I could need about all aspects of straight razor shaving.

And yesterday, my friends, at long last I shaved with Old Sharpy and pitched a no-hitter. Took me about half an hour, but I didn't cheat.

Oh yeah. I also learned that immediately after shaving with a straight razor, it is a very bad (read: excruciatingly painful) idea to apply after-shave.

I didn’t need a barber or an online forum to tell me that. I learned it all by myself.