I Hate Beards.

The Angry Piper loathes facial hair, although I’m far too lazy to shave everyday. Not only do I despise my own facial hair, I pretty much hate everyone with a beard, like Bob Seger and Barry Gibb. So I own two razors, a Gillette Mach 3 and a Schick Quattro. They both do an adequate job of keeping my face smooth, but a pack of replacement blades for either one costs more than my monthly rent. So I have decided to take action.

Behold my soon-to-be new toy. I intend to shave with it from now on. Dangerous? Maybe. I expect to lose a significant amount of flesh during my learning period, but I’m unconcerned, since the loss of a facial feature or two can only serve to improve my looks. Expensive? Sure. Straight razors aren’t cheap, but with proper maintenance they last forever. No more shelling out 20-30 bucks every couple of months for replacement blades. Besides, it’s manly and cool.

I think it may actually be illegal to own one of these in my home state without a valid barber's license, but I've got connections. Thanks to my expatriate friend Eve for hooking me up. And for the record, that's really the actual razor I'm purchasing: a Dovo Solingen ebony 5/8" straight razor all the way from Germany.

Of course, The Angry Piper needs help with manliness about as much as Dr. Murk needs help attracting smokin’ hot Asian chicks. I’m no Percy Dovetonsils, for Christ’s sake. I wear a kilt, which is the single most manly thing a guy can do other than call Chuck Norris a pussy to his face. Nothing tells the honeys it’s mating season like a nice, close shave (or a wicked cool facial scar), and just about the only thing cooler than shaving with a straight razor is smashing a bottle against a table edge and shaving with that.

The few of you who actually know what I look like may want to fix my visage firmly in mind, as the topography of my face might change once I start waving this thing around.

I should have it in a couple of weeks. Until then, I bought some cheapo triple-blade disposables for 3 bucks at Wal-Mart. Whatever I don't use I'll take with me to Ireland, because something tells me it may be a bad idea to pack a straight razor in my luggage.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

It’s snowing outside now, and I’m sitting in my office in my kilt. I usually wear my kilt to work on St. Patrick’s Day, as my co-workers and clients alike get a kick out of it, but since St. Patty’s falls on a Saturday this year, I decided to wear it a day early. Ironically, I’m the only one here. All my co-workers have gone home in fear of the storm. (It’s not even accumulating yet, but I guess a mild winter makes people freak out when they finally see some snow.) The result is that I have the place to myself and some quiet time to write, and so I’m taking full advantage of the situation.

The Angry Piper will celebrate the impending holiday in true Irish style. My immediate area suffers mightily from a lack of good Irish pubs (green beer does not an Irish pub make), so I may head up to Boston. The only problem I can see is this late winter storm, some 7-13 possible inches of snow that’s going to bring an end to an almost snowless winter in the Northeast. The shitty weather may even serve to discourage some parades tomorrow. (Playing bagpipes—or any woodwind, really—in cold weather can be a pain in the ass, as anyone who has attempted to play such an instrument with frozen fingers can certainly attest.) That’s why I plan to start my festivities early and find a local fleadh tonight, even if I have to make my own and it’s just me and the moon, a Pogues CD and a bottle of Jameson’s.

Wondering what else I’ve been up to? Well, I posted a new Tale of the WoW over at the Wand of Wonder today, and in case you missed the last one(Sailing the Murk-y Seas), you can find it here, along with all the others I have penned so far. Malach is hosting them over at Stool Sample, and he said he would put them in chronological order. (Of course he’s a complete douche and hasn’t done so yet.) I’ve also resumed The Angry Piper’s Book Reviews as of last month; if you missed it, check out February’s review of World War Z here. I should have one or two new Angry Rants up soon, depending on how soon I can write them. Let’s just say recent events have inspired the hell out of me. If you want to comment on anything you read over there, email me or join Minimum Security; I have my own little section over there.

This time of year naturally brings to mind all things Irish (not that they’re ever far from my mind). I still haven’t seen The Departed, but like everyone else in America I’ve heard it’s a great film. I’ve been watching The Black Donnellys Monday nights on NBC, but after three episodes I’m still somewhat ambivalent. It’s the story of four Irish brothers in New York City, all minor gangsters who suddenly become big players. The show has an annoying tendency to be mostly mediocre, with one or two really good moments per episode. Right now, the only thing that’s keeping me watching is Kate Mulgrew, who is terrific as the mother. I’ll give it another episode or two to see where it goes. And since we’re speaking of the Irish mob, I just finished Boyos, by Richard Marinick; a great crime novel about the Irish mob in Boston. You can check out my review of it this month over at Angrypiper.com.

As some of you may know, Angry Bro and I are taking Angry Pops over to Ireland in late July/early August. None of us has ever been to Ireland, and we’re all looking forward to it. None of us want to be tied to any kind of schedule, i.e. a hosted tour, as none of us have much in the patience department and being stuck on a bus for nine days would certainly grate. So we have decided to rent a car and do it all ourselves, staying here and there as we go.

Here’s our somewhat vague itinerary, kept intentionally so because Dad has some surprises waiting for him that I don’t want him discovering early. (Of course, he never bothers or cares to read this blog, so I’m pretty safe. But you never know.) If anyone out there has been to Ireland and has some suggestions to make about places to visit or things to do, please feel free. Our trip does not include any of the six counties in Northern Ireland, or Scotland (no matter how much I wanted to go there). We’re basically landing in Dublin and making a backwards U around the southern and western coasts, touring much of Ireland’s lower counties. So far, here’s the trip:
We land in Dublin and stay for 2 nights. (You can bet your ass we’ll be hitting Grafton St. and the Guinness brewery.) From Dublin we drive to Cork City, Co. Cork for one night, then it’s off to Killarney for 2 nights, where we’ll take a side trip to Blarney Castle as Dad wants to kiss the stone. Then up to Galway for 2 nights, then finally down to Shannon for one night before flying home. Sounds like a whirlwind tour, but it’s not; Angry Bro and I made sure we have nothing but time to do whatever we all want, or to just take in the country.

I give my brother and I three days at most before one of us is dead at the other’s hand, and a day or two after that there’ll be only one survivor. But hey, that’s family for you.